34 days

Today marks 34 day until we mail the agency our application!  It is coming up so fast, and we are starting to get both excited and nervous.

This month we have spent a lot of time around little ones, and it fills me with joy!  It is so amazing to see how God has transformed my mind and heart in this regard - infertility so often robbed me of joy in the types of situations we've experienced lately, and I am so happy to be moving on in my journey and beginning to heal.  A couple close to us had their first baby at the end of October, and they have been so amazing about letting us come over to visit and hold the baby.  We also got to babysit her when she was 4 weeks old, which was so fun.

Since then, Tyler's cousin and her husband have been blessed with their first child.  They are also adopting, and there was a lot of drama with the birth mother for several weeks after the baby was born, but the situation has been resolved and they have a precious baby boy.  Holding him on Thanksgiving gave me hope that next year we'll have our own baby to show off to the family.

Thanksgiving weekend was spent in Roswell, NM, where we got to hang out with Tyler's family, including 6 kids under the age of 5.  We had a great time.  Everyone spent some time asking us about our adoption plans and learning about that process, and the support we've received from everyone is just amazing.  Also, watching Tyler play with the kids is priceless.  He is so patient with them, and he is great at going along with their games.  I know he'll be an amazing dad, and that he loves getting to 'practice' with our niece, nephew, and cousin's kiddos.

I can finally reveal some of the news I mentioned in our last post!  We met with the woman in charge of support groups at our church this week, and we will be launching an infertility support group in January.  We feel called to lead out in this ministry, because we know there are so many couples out there struggling with infertility who could use some support and somewhere to vent.  We're hoping to call it "For Those Who Wait" after the Fireflight song.  This song has a lot of significance for the two of us throughout this infertility journey, and we feel the name will give our group members a feeling of hope rather than despair.

Another realization that I had this week was the fact that our future birth mother could be getting pregnant with the child that will someday be ours any day now.  This is rather optimistic, since we have no idea how long it will take us to get through our home study process and onto the wait list at our agency, but I'm trying to bring more positivity into our journey.  Women who are becoming pregnant right now have due dates in August.  It would be amazing if we were placed that quickly after completing our home study, which we hope will happen in the late spring, around the time that I'm set to graduate.  How crazy is that?

That's pretty much all the updating I have for today, but I'm hoping to get Tyler to write a post soon, so keep your eyes open for that!  In the meantime, please be praying for our family, and for the woman that will be blessing us with a child someday.  We really appreciate your support!

Updates

Things have been a little quiet on the blog lately - this semester has been completely insane, so I haven't had the time or energy to update here much.  I do want to thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers you are sending our way as we continue to plan for our adoption - it means a lot more than you can possibly know.  If you have asked us how things are going, THANK YOU!  I love knowing that people are interested in our journey, and we love sharing each step with everyone.

The good news is things are moving along at a nice clip right now - we're still in "saving mode", but we recently got a nice boost - we found out that Tyler got a raise, which is allowing us to put an extra $200 into our adoption savings account every month.  This will help us reach our savings goal by February of 2014 - about 7 months ahead of when we thought we would reach our goal!  This has been an enormous blessing to us, and it has taken a lot of stress out of the adoption process for us.

Another thing we have been doing to learn about and prepare for our adoption journey is watching television shows.  I know it sounds crazy, but it gives us a lot to talk about and helps us to set our expectations when we watch these shows.  The two we have been recording are I'm Having Their Baby and The Baby Wait.  I'm Having Their Baby focuses on expectant mothers who are planning to place their unborn children for adoption.  The show follows them as they meet with their adoption counselors (not every mother does this, of course), chooses a family, and goes to the hospital to deliver.  Sometimes the mothers choose to parent after their child is born, while others go ahead with the adoption plan.  It is a very emotional show and it helps us to build a sense of compassion for expectant mothers - I can't imagine having to make that kind of decision, but I so greatly admire each woman for the decisions she makes for her child.

The Baby Wait focuses on adoptive families that reside in states where there is a waiting period after the initial papers are signed, during which the birth mother can change her mind and choose to parent her child.  In Texas, once the initial papers are signed, there is no waiting period, so we don't have to concern ourselves with that, but again, it educates us on how the birth mothers process their decisions post-delivery, which helps keep our expectations in check.  I would highly recommend either of these shows to anyone planning to adopt, or anyone supporting a person who is either planning to adopt or making an adoption plan for their unborn child.  It is an accessible way to learn about the process, and it can give you a lot of fodder for conversations to have with others.

We have some other potentially exciting news in the works right now, and I hope to be able to share that information as we process it.  Please be praying for us, and stay tuned for more news soon!

There are only 48 days left until we plan to drop our application to our adoption agency in the mail!  I can't believe how close it is getting - exciting and terrifying at the same time!

We've set the date!

We recently decided to make a date to drop our adoption application in the mail and submit it via email.  We decided on January 2, which makes it a perfect way to start the New Year!  We're super excited to be moving forward in our adoption journey.  I've been feeling pretty stagnant about things for a few months, but now we're starting to get the house ready, and now that we have this date on the calendar I really feel like we're making progress, and I'm stoked!

Setting this date has made me wonder - when would you consider yourself (or someone you know who is adopting) to be "paper pregnant"?  When they have submitted an application and been accepted by their agency?  When they have a completed home study and are waiting to be chosen by a birth family?  When they are officially matched with a birth mother?  Something else??  I'd love to hear from you - drop me a comment to let me know what you think. :)

Lately

Lately I've been in sort of a weird mood.  I'm feeling completely baby-obsessed, a feeling which has been with me in varying intensities for four years.  I have a great yearning to prepare for our baby, even though we haven't officially applied to adopt yet.  I am also SICK of planning, and I feel so ready to start executing some of these plans, yet we still wait.

We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great.  Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc.  We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers.  We even talked about nursery decor last night.  But we're still just... waiting.

I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey.  People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc.  Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January".  Honestly, January feels like it will never come.  I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately.  It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together.  Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.

I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.

A Bunch of Book Reviews!

I've been away from the blog for a while, but I have a good excuse!  I've been busy reading adoption books during my break from summer classes.  Sadly, I'm back to class now, so adoption reading is now on the back burner for a few weeks.  However, I have four new book reviews to share with you!

On Father's Day I read The Baby Boat by Patty Dann.  The book is a memoir, containing diary-style entries the author wrote during the time period that she and her husband were on the path to adopt from Lithuania.  I flew through this book in about three or four hours.  I was totally engrossed - I could really feel the emotions the author moved through during the course of the story, and it made me excited for my own journey to really get started.  I highly recommend this as an easy read to anyone interested in reading a first-hand account of adoption, particularly if you're pursuing international adoption.

After I finished The Baby Boat, I read Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation.  This books provides an in-depth look at adoption and the role it plays in American culture, as well as how that culture has affected adoption over the years.  While the book did contain some good information and background, I'm not sure I would recommend it to everyone.  Pertman highlights many of the adoption horror stories that have been in the news in the past, and although he is a strong advocate for adoption, his book seemed quite negative to me at times.

This weekend I finished a book entitled Loving Across the Color Line by Sharon F. Rush. This was the first adoption book I read that centered on transracial adoption, and I found it informative, depressing, and inspiring by turns.  Rush writes of her experiences as a White woman who adopted a bi-racial daughter.  This book gave me a lot to think about in terms of how well-equipped Tyler and I are (or are not) to raise a child of a different race.  I fully believe that we will love equally any child that comes into our care, but I can see more clearly now the limitations that our circle of friends and family present.  This book opened my eyes to how limited my experiences with race and racism are as a White person and really gave me a lot to think about.  Tyler is reading it now, and I'm hoping we can have some candid conversations about race when he is finished.

Finally, this past weekend I also read one of the books recommended/required by our adoption agency: Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler.  Patricia writes about her experience as a birthmother who chose open adoption for her child in 1985.  She wrote the book in 2006, as her son became an adult.  The books is written mainly toward women who are thinking of making adoption plans for their unborn children, but also contains advice for families of birthmothers and for adoptive parents.  She gives practical advice to birthmothers about the process they are going  through and also shares her personal story of unplanned pregnancy and open adoption.  I thought the book was very well-written and I loved getting a birthmother's perspective of the entire process from birth through the child's adult years.  I highly recommend this book if you are trying to decide if open adoption is right for your family, or if you are in the process of building your family through open adoption already.

Our family photo shoot

We had our good friend Brandon take some professional photos for us last weekend.  We did a few adoption-related pictures, and I thought I'd share them with you! :)  Major thanks to Brandon at Brandon Jones Photography for his skills.  I definitely recommend his services if you are in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metro area!

 

Two Posts in One Day!

I just wanted to post to thank everyone for visiting my blog!  I recently posted about it on my Facebook page, and the support and encouragement I received was wonderful. :)

I also wanted to point out my new tickers on the right side of the screen.  I have one that is counting the amount of money in our adoption savings account.  People ask me all the time how much it costs to adopt, and my answer is usually: A LOT!  (unless someone is doing foster-to-adopt or adopting legally free children from the foster care system, in which case it is free or comes with minimal costs).  In all honesty, we will pay about $23,000 in agency and legal fees in order to complete our adoption.  We have been so blessed by God since we started on the adoption path - both Tyler and I have new jobs, which are going a long way to helping our savings account grow.  We are so thankful for those jobs, and I can't wait to see what God does next as we move forward with our adoption.

The second ticker tracks how many of the 14 books our agency recommends/requires I have read.  Tyler isn't reading all the books that I am, but he is about to start his first book.  Hopefully that will get the gears moving and he will explore more books on his own.

I hope that you will continue to read our blog.  We only ask that you send your thoughts and prayers our way - we still have a long way to go in this journey, and we couldn't get through it without the support of our families and friends.

-Katie