Lately I've been in sort of a weird mood. I'm feeling completely baby-obsessed, a feeling which has been with me in varying intensities for four years. I have a great yearning to prepare for our baby, even though we haven't officially applied to adopt yet. I am also SICK of planning, and I feel so ready to start executing some of these plans, yet we still wait.
We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great. Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc. We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers. We even talked about nursery decor last night. But we're still just... waiting.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey. People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc. Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January". Honestly, January feels like it will never come. I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately. It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together. Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.
I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.