Lately I've been in sort of a weird mood.  I'm feeling completely baby-obsessed, a feeling which has been with me in varying intensities for four years.  I have a great yearning to prepare for our baby, even though we haven't officially applied to adopt yet.  I am also SICK of planning, and I feel so ready to start executing some of these plans, yet we still wait.

We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great.  Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc.  We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers.  We even talked about nursery decor last night.  But we're still just... waiting.

I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey.  People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc.  Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January".  Honestly, January feels like it will never come.  I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately.  It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together.  Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.

I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.


Jessica said...

Katie, you are going to be an incredible mother and I know that God is paving the way to bring you to the baby that is supposed to be yours. You are so faithful and patient and I am so proud of y'all! Love you and your sweet future baby who will be blessed beyond measure!

Dragon said...

You two are doing wonderfully! You are going to be fabulous parents, I know it :D

I totally understand how you feel being around a whole bunch of pregnant people, and I don't want this to sound wrong, but I think waiting is a part of parenthood whether it's the "normal" way or not. Waiting and planning and patience. I think that you two will be even better parents because of all of that :)

Kristin (kekis) said...

As wonderful as it is to have so many who care and are excited, it's also difficult to hear that question of "Ssoooo . . . have you heard anything?" and "What's next?" and "When will you know?" Waiting through the years of infertility prepared me for those questions, but it also reminds me that we aren't there yet.

The prep and the waiting is the hardest part. As our agency said, "The great thing with adoption is that EVERYONE gets a baby. Your baby will come to you." It's just hard to be patient! You're doing the right things by preparing your heart and mind and eventually your home. And your baby WILL come to you. I promise.

biomaj5 said...

((hugs)) friend

Anonymous said...

I looked all over for a way to send you an email but can't find a way! Sorry to leave you a public comment...anyway, I'm on the GBCN board and follow your blog because I have an interest in adoption. I wanted to tell you about an adoption conference in Austin on Nov. 2/3...I'm the president of the group and the conference chair, so my humble opinion is that the conference will be awesome. Would love to have you down! www.adoptionknowledge.org/conference Good luck on your adoption journey!