Lately I've been in sort of a weird mood. I'm feeling completely baby-obsessed, a feeling which has been with me in varying intensities for four years. I have a great yearning to prepare for our baby, even though we haven't officially applied to adopt yet. I am also SICK of planning, and I feel so ready to start executing some of these plans, yet we still wait.
We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great. Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc. We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers. We even talked about nursery decor last night. But we're still just... waiting.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey. People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc. Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January". Honestly, January feels like it will never come. I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately. It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together. Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.
I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.
8.20.2012
7.11.2012
A Bunch of Book Reviews!
I've been away from the blog for a while, but I have a good excuse! I've been busy reading adoption books during my break from summer classes. Sadly, I'm back to class now, so adoption reading is now on the back burner for a few weeks. However, I have four new book reviews to share with you!
On Father's Day I read The Baby Boat by Patty Dann. The book is a memoir, containing diary-style entries the author wrote during the time period that she and her husband were on the path to adopt from Lithuania. I flew through this book in about three or four hours. I was totally engrossed - I could really feel the emotions the author moved through during the course of the story, and it made me excited for my own journey to really get started. I highly recommend this as an easy read to anyone interested in reading a first-hand account of adoption, particularly if you're pursuing international adoption.
After I finished The Baby Boat, I read Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation. This books provides an in-depth look at adoption and the role it plays in American culture, as well as how that culture has affected adoption over the years. While the book did contain some good information and background, I'm not sure I would recommend it to everyone. Pertman highlights many of the adoption horror stories that have been in the news in the past, and although he is a strong advocate for adoption, his book seemed quite negative to me at times.
This weekend I finished a book entitled Loving Across the Color Line by Sharon F. Rush. This was the first adoption book I read that centered on transracial adoption, and I found it informative, depressing, and inspiring by turns. Rush writes of her experiences as a White woman who adopted a bi-racial daughter. This book gave me a lot to think about in terms of how well-equipped Tyler and I are (or are not) to raise a child of a different race. I fully believe that we will love equally any child that comes into our care, but I can see more clearly now the limitations that our circle of friends and family present. This book opened my eyes to how limited my experiences with race and racism are as a White person and really gave me a lot to think about. Tyler is reading it now, and I'm hoping we can have some candid conversations about race when he is finished.
Finally, this past weekend I also read one of the books recommended/required by our adoption agency: Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler. Patricia writes about her experience as a birthmother who chose open adoption for her child in 1985. She wrote the book in 2006, as her son became an adult. The books is written mainly toward women who are thinking of making adoption plans for their unborn children, but also contains advice for families of birthmothers and for adoptive parents. She gives practical advice to birthmothers about the process they are going through and also shares her personal story of unplanned pregnancy and open adoption. I thought the book was very well-written and I loved getting a birthmother's perspective of the entire process from birth through the child's adult years. I highly recommend this book if you are trying to decide if open adoption is right for your family, or if you are in the process of building your family through open adoption already.
On Father's Day I read The Baby Boat by Patty Dann. The book is a memoir, containing diary-style entries the author wrote during the time period that she and her husband were on the path to adopt from Lithuania. I flew through this book in about three or four hours. I was totally engrossed - I could really feel the emotions the author moved through during the course of the story, and it made me excited for my own journey to really get started. I highly recommend this as an easy read to anyone interested in reading a first-hand account of adoption, particularly if you're pursuing international adoption.
After I finished The Baby Boat, I read Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation. This books provides an in-depth look at adoption and the role it plays in American culture, as well as how that culture has affected adoption over the years. While the book did contain some good information and background, I'm not sure I would recommend it to everyone. Pertman highlights many of the adoption horror stories that have been in the news in the past, and although he is a strong advocate for adoption, his book seemed quite negative to me at times.
This weekend I finished a book entitled Loving Across the Color Line by Sharon F. Rush. This was the first adoption book I read that centered on transracial adoption, and I found it informative, depressing, and inspiring by turns. Rush writes of her experiences as a White woman who adopted a bi-racial daughter. This book gave me a lot to think about in terms of how well-equipped Tyler and I are (or are not) to raise a child of a different race. I fully believe that we will love equally any child that comes into our care, but I can see more clearly now the limitations that our circle of friends and family present. This book opened my eyes to how limited my experiences with race and racism are as a White person and really gave me a lot to think about. Tyler is reading it now, and I'm hoping we can have some candid conversations about race when he is finished.
Finally, this past weekend I also read one of the books recommended/required by our adoption agency: Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler. Patricia writes about her experience as a birthmother who chose open adoption for her child in 1985. She wrote the book in 2006, as her son became an adult. The books is written mainly toward women who are thinking of making adoption plans for their unborn children, but also contains advice for families of birthmothers and for adoptive parents. She gives practical advice to birthmothers about the process they are going through and also shares her personal story of unplanned pregnancy and open adoption. I thought the book was very well-written and I loved getting a birthmother's perspective of the entire process from birth through the child's adult years. I highly recommend this book if you are trying to decide if open adoption is right for your family, or if you are in the process of building your family through open adoption already.
7.02.2012
Our family photo shoot
We had our good friend Brandon take some professional photos for us last weekend. We did a few adoption-related pictures, and I thought I'd share them with you! :) Major thanks to Brandon at Brandon Jones Photography for his skills. I definitely recommend his services if you are in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metro area!
6.21.2012
Two Posts in One Day!
I just wanted to post to thank everyone for visiting my blog! I recently posted about it on my Facebook page, and the support and encouragement I received was wonderful. :)
I also wanted to point out my new tickers on the right side of the screen. I have one that is counting the amount of money in our adoption savings account. People ask me all the time how much it costs to adopt, and my answer is usually: A LOT! (unless someone is doing foster-to-adopt or adopting legally free children from the foster care system, in which case it is free or comes with minimal costs). In all honesty, we will pay about $23,000 in agency and legal fees in order to complete our adoption. We have been so blessed by God since we started on the adoption path - both Tyler and I have new jobs, which are going a long way to helping our savings account grow. We are so thankful for those jobs, and I can't wait to see what God does next as we move forward with our adoption.
The second ticker tracks how many of the 14 books our agency recommends/requires I have read. Tyler isn't reading all the books that I am, but he is about to start his first book. Hopefully that will get the gears moving and he will explore more books on his own.
I hope that you will continue to read our blog. We only ask that you send your thoughts and prayers our way - we still have a long way to go in this journey, and we couldn't get through it without the support of our families and friends.
-Katie
I also wanted to point out my new tickers on the right side of the screen. I have one that is counting the amount of money in our adoption savings account. People ask me all the time how much it costs to adopt, and my answer is usually: A LOT! (unless someone is doing foster-to-adopt or adopting legally free children from the foster care system, in which case it is free or comes with minimal costs). In all honesty, we will pay about $23,000 in agency and legal fees in order to complete our adoption. We have been so blessed by God since we started on the adoption path - both Tyler and I have new jobs, which are going a long way to helping our savings account grow. We are so thankful for those jobs, and I can't wait to see what God does next as we move forward with our adoption.
The second ticker tracks how many of the 14 books our agency recommends/requires I have read. Tyler isn't reading all the books that I am, but he is about to start his first book. Hopefully that will get the gears moving and he will explore more books on his own.
I hope that you will continue to read our blog. We only ask that you send your thoughts and prayers our way - we still have a long way to go in this journey, and we couldn't get through it without the support of our families and friends.
-Katie
Book Review - "Dear Birthmother" and "A Letter to Adoptive Parents"
Recently I finished reading Kathleen Silber's Dear Birthmother: Thank You for Our Baby. This book was co-written by Silber and Phyllis Speedlin and focuses on the experiment carried out by Lutheran Social Serivces of Texas in which birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents exchanged letters to one another via the adoption agency.
This book really helped me to better understand the feelings of birth parents (particularly birth mothers) have regarding the adoptive families into which their babies are placed. The letters were candid and most made no attempt to hide the pain that they continue to feel years after they place their children for adoption. I also thought the birth parents did a beautiful job of writing to their children about where they came from and why they were placed for adoption, something I feel is SO important to the ability to form a personal identity.
As always, this book gave me a lot to think about. I can see why our agency recommends adoptive parents read this book, since it really highlights how personal contact between members of the adoption triad is the best thing for everyone involved. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is struggling to decide whether or not open adoption is for them.
Another book I just finished reading (I say book, but really it's more of a transcript of a speech - only 22 pages, including references) is A Letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption, by Randolph W. Severson. This speech implores adoptive parents to let go of their misinformed feelings and fears they have regarding birth parents, and attempts to describe the consequences this can have on all parties involved in adoption. This book is, unfortnately, out of print and extremely hard to find. If you are interested in reading it, I highly suggest contacting your local library to see if they participate in Interlibrary Loan. If they do, you should be able to borrow this book from one of the 4 libraries world-wide that have it in their collections. Perhaps your local university library is one of the libraries that has it? They are located at Bethel University (ST. Paul, MN), Brigham Young University (Provo, UT), Carroll University (Waukesha, WI) and University of Sioux Falls (Sioux Falls, SD). Visit WorldCat.org for more information.
This book really helped me to better understand the feelings of birth parents (particularly birth mothers) have regarding the adoptive families into which their babies are placed. The letters were candid and most made no attempt to hide the pain that they continue to feel years after they place their children for adoption. I also thought the birth parents did a beautiful job of writing to their children about where they came from and why they were placed for adoption, something I feel is SO important to the ability to form a personal identity.
As always, this book gave me a lot to think about. I can see why our agency recommends adoptive parents read this book, since it really highlights how personal contact between members of the adoption triad is the best thing for everyone involved. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is struggling to decide whether or not open adoption is for them.
Another book I just finished reading (I say book, but really it's more of a transcript of a speech - only 22 pages, including references) is A Letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption, by Randolph W. Severson. This speech implores adoptive parents to let go of their misinformed feelings and fears they have regarding birth parents, and attempts to describe the consequences this can have on all parties involved in adoption. This book is, unfortnately, out of print and extremely hard to find. If you are interested in reading it, I highly suggest contacting your local library to see if they participate in Interlibrary Loan. If they do, you should be able to borrow this book from one of the 4 libraries world-wide that have it in their collections. Perhaps your local university library is one of the libraries that has it? They are located at Bethel University (ST. Paul, MN), Brigham Young University (Provo, UT), Carroll University (Waukesha, WI) and University of Sioux Falls (Sioux Falls, SD). Visit WorldCat.org for more information.
6.15.2012
Book Review - Adopting After Infertility
I finished Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnson a few days ago, and I thought I'd post a review! The book was published in the early 1990s, so some of the information and ideas felt a little outdated, but overall it was a very thorough book which presents infertile prospective adopters with a lot of good information and things to think about.
My one qualm with the book was the author's insistence that infertile people should feel entitled (for lack of a better word) to specify the sex of the baby they are willing to adopt. The author presents this as a way for infertile couples to take back some of the control over family planning which was lost in the infertility process. Perhaps in the early 90s this practice was more acceptable, but from my research, many adoption agencies do not allow you to specify the sex of your baby during the adoption process, and those that DO allow this will warn you that it can add significant time to the process, particularly if birthmothers do not want to find out the sex of their baby prior to delivery.
I feel like I'm really bad at reviewing books, because I don't give thorough overviews of the content. This is usually because I'm taking my time to read the book, but not taking notes, and the books I've covered thus far are all pretty comprehensive in terms of topics covered. If you're interested in more information about the book, I would suggest checking out the Goodreads page for the book: Adopting After Infertility. You can also find other reader reviews of the book on this page!
My one qualm with the book was the author's insistence that infertile people should feel entitled (for lack of a better word) to specify the sex of the baby they are willing to adopt. The author presents this as a way for infertile couples to take back some of the control over family planning which was lost in the infertility process. Perhaps in the early 90s this practice was more acceptable, but from my research, many adoption agencies do not allow you to specify the sex of your baby during the adoption process, and those that DO allow this will warn you that it can add significant time to the process, particularly if birthmothers do not want to find out the sex of their baby prior to delivery.
I feel like I'm really bad at reviewing books, because I don't give thorough overviews of the content. This is usually because I'm taking my time to read the book, but not taking notes, and the books I've covered thus far are all pretty comprehensive in terms of topics covered. If you're interested in more information about the book, I would suggest checking out the Goodreads page for the book: Adopting After Infertility. You can also find other reader reviews of the book on this page!
6.05.2012
Book Review: Raising Adopted Children
A few weeks ago I started in on the list of recommended and required reading provided to us by our adoption agency. The second book from the list I read was Raising Adopted Children by Lois Melina. The copy I had was from 1982 (I think!), so some of the information was a bit outdated, especially since open adoptions were just coming into vogue at that time.
I thought the book was very informative and provided information on different topics such as health care and others that I wouldn't have thought of being different for adopted children. It was a quick and easy read! I would recommend checking it out, especially if you are new to adoption or just curious about the differences that may arise when raising adopted children. There is a revised edition that was published in 1998 that is probably more up-to-date.
I'm currently reading Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston and Dear Birthmother: Thank You For Our Baby by Kathleen Silber. I'll post reviews of those books when I am finished!
I thought the book was very informative and provided information on different topics such as health care and others that I wouldn't have thought of being different for adopted children. It was a quick and easy read! I would recommend checking it out, especially if you are new to adoption or just curious about the differences that may arise when raising adopted children. There is a revised edition that was published in 1998 that is probably more up-to-date.
I'm currently reading Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston and Dear Birthmother: Thank You For Our Baby by Kathleen Silber. I'll post reviews of those books when I am finished!
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