OK, so some of my readers know that I was supposed to be in graduate school this semester, working toward getting my degree in Library Science. And that I decided that was not the path I wanted to take, and that then I was looking for a job. A few posts ago I told y'all that I am in fact becoming a stay at home wife, and that I'm really happy about it. I know God has called me to be a stay at home mom, and in the meantime, having a job would just cause me a lot of stress, which is bad for everyone.
Well, since I decided not to go to graduate school and I still haven't found a job (since I'm not LOOKING anymore!), a few of my extended family members are upset with me. They don't yell, or say that they're disappointed, or anything obvious like that. But every time I talk to either of them (my grandma and my aunt, by the way), they ask me how looking for a "career" is going, if I've had any more interviews, if I've thought about volunteering. When I say "I'm planning to start volunteering through my church soon", they always come back with "oh, I meant at the museums!". You see, before the library science degree plan, I was going to go to graduate school for museum science. That's right, it's been almost a year since I decided not to do that. But they still think that's what will make me happy. I explain to them that I don't have enough experience to volunteer at the museums (not mentioning the fact that they are all farther than I'm willing to drive to VOLUNTEER and that I'm not interested anyway), and leave it at that.
You may be wondering to yourself "why not just tell them what your plans are?". That's an excellent question. I am shielding myself from the explosive anger that is sure to follow when I explain that "I'm planning to be a stay at home mom, and I'm trying to have a baby!!". That's right, people, they would be disappointed if I told them I wanted to be a mom already, and appalled that I'm wasting all of my talents and intellect staying at home. It is so frustrating knowing that no matter what I do, I can't really please them unless I have a real "career". And I don't know why I care so much what they think, besides the fact that family is very important to me, and therefore, their opinions of me leave a mark. It SUCKS. I hope no one else has to go through this with their family members, but I'm sure they do. :-(
I'm not sure how much longer I can stand to go around and around with these people, trying to make them happy while ultimately doing what's right for me and my family. I think after the new year, I am going to write each of them a letter explaining my plans and how I feel, and asking them not to make any comments to me about the situation unless they are positive and supportive. I don't need this toxicity in my life, and I don't want to blow a gasket over the phone or in person with them, so I think a letter is the safest way to go.
I know they're going to be pissed, and they'll be even more pissed when I announce that I'm knocked up. But, I'm going to try and not care what they think. I'm going to do what makes me and my husband happiest, and what I know God wants me to do. And anyone who gets upset about that can suck it!
/vent. I feel a little better now.