One event that many expectant parents look forward to while waiting for their child is the baby shower. Adopting couples are no different - we want to celebrate the impending changes in our life with our closest family and friends. There is some debate and controversy over whether one should have a shower before or after a match or placement occurs, but ultimately people agree that the couple adopting should be the ones to decide when they would like any shower that may be offered for them to occur.
As I’ve discussed on the blog before, there are a lot of emotions that go into the adoption journey. While you are waiting to be matched with an expectant family, there is a lot of impatience, worry, fear, and wondering. People ask you if you’ve heard anything regularly, which is great - people are keeping us in their thoughts and prayers, and that means a lot to us! But those other emotions can sometimes overshadow the joyful anticipation that is also part of the wait. Even though we aren’t matched, I know that once we ARE, I will still experience fear and worry - will the mother change her mind before she gives birth, after, or not at all? It’s a constant battle to trust the Lord and His plan.
Because of these conflicting thoughts and emotions, thinking about a shower helped me feel a sense of normalcy as I wait to become a mother. Because there is always the possibility an expectant/birth mother may change her mind before she relinquishes her parental rights, I didn’t want to associate any baby items I receive or purchase before bringing MY baby home with a specific situation, in case it doesn’t work out. That is why I decided that if we were offered a shower, I would like it to happen either before we are matched or after the baby comes home with us. My mom and a dear friend offered to throw us a shower, and we decided to go ahead and do it before the holidays, since we don’t know how long we’ll be waiting and the timing could get tricky. The date was set for November 17, 2013.
As the date of the shower drew closer, I began to worry - what if our friends don’t understand having a shower for a baby that’s not even identified yet? What if they judge us for wanting to celebrate and prepare for something that is so uncertain? What if I become too emotional at the shower, or afterward, or whatever?!? All of these worries began to overshadow my excitement once more. Once my family arrived from out of state, and Tyler’s from out of town, I began to settle and just enjoy their company. They are all as excited as we are to welcome this unknown child, and they know our thoughts, anxieties, and why we were having the shower, so that is what mattered the most.
This weekend was the big event, and it was absolutely wonderful! We loved getting to visit with our families before the shower, and seeing many of our close friends’ excitement for us to become parents was great. We had a wonderful time at the shower and were very blessed - there is not much more that we *need* before Baby Dawson makes his or her entrance into our lives. We are so appreciative of everyone’s support - material and emotional. It means the world to us that everyone is rooting for us to become parents, and our child is blessed by your anticipation!
11.20.2013
10.24.2013
It's fall!
It has been over a month since we became “active” with our agency! We haven’t heard anything from them, so it’s safe to assume that our profile hasn’t been shown to any expectant mothers yet. It is finally fall here in Texas, and we're actually having more fall-like weather than normal, which has been wonderful! The leaves aren't changing much yet, so there's still a little while before winter comes.
Mainly we have been acting like we’re not really “expecting” at all, which is in keeping with advice I have read many places online – to live your life as normally as possible, not putting off any plans because you *might* have a baby at some undetermined time in the future. We are being given a shower by a friend and my mom next month, so that we will be prepared with all the necessary (and unnecessary!) gear that you need to raise a baby, and we are looking forward to that. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned before that we were hoping to have a shower before we were matched with an expectant mother so that the gifts are not “attached” to a child which may or may not come home with us. We are looking forward to celebrating with our family and friends the fact that we WILL be parents in the future, and that future is hopefully not too far away.
I have also been reading some books on parenting and baby care & development, such as The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears & his wife, Martha, an R.N. I have also been reading a book on attachment parenting, as well as The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. These are all giving me some good things to think about, and I’m hoping Tyler will peruse them a bit, too, so that we can both know what to expect and fill in the knowledge gaps of the other parent a bit. ;)
I might get down to business and *finally* finish painting the dresser for Baby Dawson’s nursery this weekend, and we might paint the room, as well. If we get around to it, I will definitely post pictures!
Until next time, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as well as all the mothers out there deciding whether to parent their baby or to choose an adoptive family!
Mainly we have been acting like we’re not really “expecting” at all, which is in keeping with advice I have read many places online – to live your life as normally as possible, not putting off any plans because you *might* have a baby at some undetermined time in the future. We are being given a shower by a friend and my mom next month, so that we will be prepared with all the necessary (and unnecessary!) gear that you need to raise a baby, and we are looking forward to that. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned before that we were hoping to have a shower before we were matched with an expectant mother so that the gifts are not “attached” to a child which may or may not come home with us. We are looking forward to celebrating with our family and friends the fact that we WILL be parents in the future, and that future is hopefully not too far away.
I have also been reading some books on parenting and baby care & development, such as The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears & his wife, Martha, an R.N. I have also been reading a book on attachment parenting, as well as The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. These are all giving me some good things to think about, and I’m hoping Tyler will peruse them a bit, too, so that we can both know what to expect and fill in the knowledge gaps of the other parent a bit. ;)
I might get down to business and *finally* finish painting the dresser for Baby Dawson’s nursery this weekend, and we might paint the room, as well. If we get around to it, I will definitely post pictures!
Until next time, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, as well as all the mothers out there deciding whether to parent their baby or to choose an adoptive family!
10.01.2013
Musings
So remember how I said I wanted to find a way to blog our “paper pregnancy”, since so many bloggers follow a weekly update template when expecting their little bundles of joy? I have spent the last week or so brainstorming ways that I could simulate that for an adoption wait, and yesterday I finally came to a conclusion. Waiting for a baby to come home via adoption is NOTHING LIKE waiting for a baby to be born. There is no timeline in which this may or may not happen, unlike in a pregnancy, where 99% of the time you can know within a few weeks when your baby will be born. You also know that when you give birth to that child, it is 100% yours, no matter what.
In an open adoption, you first must wait for a birth mother to be interested in your profile. Then you will meet in person (which I’m guessing is more awkward than any blind date in history). Then you will wait on pins and needles to hear if she has chosen you to parent her baby. Then you have to wait for the baby to be born, and finally for the birth mother (and possibly the birth father) to sign their relinquishment of parental rights, which will occur no sooner than 48 hours after the birth of the baby. Sometimes, the birth family decides to parent their child rather than placing him or her with an adoptive family. Nothing is certain in adoption until those papers are signed, and things still aren’t legally finalized until at least 6 months from the date of placement.
As you can see, there is a lot of uncertainty and very little control for prospective adoptive parents until the child comes home with them. This is the reality I am facing, and it is not one I would have ever dreamed of 5 years ago when Tyler and I decided to expand our family. I longed for a positive pregnancy test, the physical changes that accompany impending motherhood, birth, and breastfeeding. Instead I will continue to pray for my future child, as well as for the woman who will make his or her existence possible. I can only hope that our day to be parents will come soon, but I also know that when that moment comes, it will be tinged with sadness for the birth family as they go home with empty arms.
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”. - Jeremiah 29:11
9.22.2013
Updates galore!
It is shameful that it’s been nearly 6 months since I’ve updated our blog. There has been a lot going on, so I’ll try to hit the highlights!
1. I finally graduated with my Master’s degree in Library Science on May 10. I also started a job as a library services representative at a public library about 40 minutes from our house. I’ve been at my job 5 months as of today, and I enjoy it, for the most part. The commute eats up a lot of time I could be spending doing other things, but it’s just for the short term, as I’m planning to stay at home with our child once we adopt.
2. We celebrated our 7th anniversary in May! We went to Salt Lake City for a vacation, and we loved it there. Ate lots of good food, saw amazing scenery, and visited a really cool library.
3. We attended our adoption seminar at the agency in July. There were 3 other couples in attendance. We also found out that it was the main infant adoption social worker’s last day with the agency, so we would be working with someone totally new (to us, not to adoption or the agency even) on our homestudy, placement, etc.
4. Sadly, Tyler’s father lost his nearly 4 year battle with prostate cancer at the beginning of August. We were lucky to be there when he passed and had a week and a few days to spend with family before returning to our lives. We miss him very much!
5. We had our 3 home study interviews (2 individual and 1 couple) plus our home visit in August.
6. We have done more work on the nursery! We finally finished sanding my childhood dresser and are in the process of repainting it and replacing the hardware. We have also purchased the paint for the walls, as well as an amazing upholstered glider, which was a gift from my mom! I’ll post pictures once we are a little further along with that project.
7. Tuesday we received word from our social worker that we are officially home study approved and in the pool of waiting families at our agency! That means we could become parents tomorrow, in 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. At this point we have no control over how fast that happens, as the prospective birth mother (and father, if he’s in the picture) choose which families they want to meet and then who they want to match with. We pray every day for any mother who is considering adoption for her child, and are very excited to meet the one that God has chosen for us!
So, that is what has been happening the past 5 months or so. I’m hoping to start posting weekly as we wait for our child to find us and come home, chronicling our “paper pregnancy” - as many pregnant bloggers have done before me. Who knows if I’ll get the 36+ weeks that most expectant parents do, but I’ll do my best to share our wait with the 3 or so people who read our blog. ;-)
4.09.2013
Updates!
We have been doing a terrible job of updating the blog lately, so sorry! Things have been kind of crazy with school, work, and life in general, so some things have been put on the back burner.
In any case, we have finally submitted the remainder of the paper work needed to start our home study - it was about 80 pages of questionnaires, forms, acknowledgements, etc. The agency has also received all of our letters of recommendation, medical reports, etc., so now we're just waiting to hear from them! We will be scheduling our seminar soon (along with two other couples), and then our home study interviews.
In other news, we have been slowing purchasing baby gear over the past few months. We started out slowly with some cloth diapers (we now have about 2/3 of our stash completed!), then purchased a Pack n Play. We have also bought most of the decor for the nursery, which is dinosaur themed. Finally, we just ordered our crib and crib mattress yesterday, which are a generous gift from Tyler's parents, Gary & Kathy. We can't wait to receive them!
This is the crib we chose (Graco Charleston):
I'm trying not to BUY ALL THE THINGS, but I'm getting pretty excited about the possibility that we may be parents in the not-too-distant future, so it's kind of hard.
I also have about 4.5 weeks of school left right now, which is beyond crazy. I have three major assignments and a few weekly things left to finish up, and then I'll be done!
Finally, I have just accepted a full-time library services representative position at a public library about 40 minutes from here. I am really looking forward to getting some experience working in a public library setting, since most of my work (aside from volunteering) has been in the academic library. I will be starting my new job on April 22.
I'm a little nervous about all the changes that are coming up for our family, so any thoughts and prayers you can send our way will be greatly appreciated!
In any case, we have finally submitted the remainder of the paper work needed to start our home study - it was about 80 pages of questionnaires, forms, acknowledgements, etc. The agency has also received all of our letters of recommendation, medical reports, etc., so now we're just waiting to hear from them! We will be scheduling our seminar soon (along with two other couples), and then our home study interviews.
In other news, we have been slowing purchasing baby gear over the past few months. We started out slowly with some cloth diapers (we now have about 2/3 of our stash completed!), then purchased a Pack n Play. We have also bought most of the decor for the nursery, which is dinosaur themed. Finally, we just ordered our crib and crib mattress yesterday, which are a generous gift from Tyler's parents, Gary & Kathy. We can't wait to receive them!
This is the crib we chose (Graco Charleston):
 |
| Image credit: Target.com |
I also have about 4.5 weeks of school left right now, which is beyond crazy. I have three major assignments and a few weekly things left to finish up, and then I'll be done!
Finally, I have just accepted a full-time library services representative position at a public library about 40 minutes from here. I am really looking forward to getting some experience working in a public library setting, since most of my work (aside from volunteering) has been in the academic library. I will be starting my new job on April 22.
I'm a little nervous about all the changes that are coming up for our family, so any thoughts and prayers you can send our way will be greatly appreciated!
1.21.2013
It begins.
If you've been reading this blog, or if you've talked to me or Tyler in person, you know that January 2nd, 2013 was the day. The day that we would embark on our journey to become parents through adoption. We were filled with anticipation in the weeks and days leading up to the new year, because we knew that it would be a year of change.
January 2nd finally rolled around, and we had everything ready to go - we had filled out our initial application (basic personal information, statement of assets, work and residence histories, etc.). We had purchased our large manila mailing envelopes. Tyler printed the application at work, and we signed it in the car before driving to the post office.
As you can see, we were very excited to get our application in the mail. We sent it priority, so it would be delivered the next day. Then we sat back and waited for contact from the agency. The good news is they called Tyler on Friday morning. The bad news? They need ALL of our paperwork before we can go any further. Cue a flurry of writing, collecting and copying.
There are a lot of waivers and agreements that had to be signed - firearms policies, waiver of confidentiality, agreement that we are never guaranteed a placement - the list goes on and on! We also have to provide a floor plan of our house, photos of ourselves, our animals, and our house and yard. We have to have physicals with blood work, urine samples, and TB tests, as well as information from our fertility doctors about our likelihood for conceiving and any infertility diagnoses we have received. We have to provide copies of all our vital documents, including our insurance cards, driver's licenses, marriage licenses, and birth certificates.
Each of us also had to complete the home study questionnaire - the big kahuna! This is presented as a simple Word document, 7 pages (single spaced) of questions about everything under the sun - how we were nurtured as children, the personalities of our parents, how we feel about ourselves, how we handle stress, loss, and grief, how we want our children to view sex, how we plan to handle discipline. Basically any topic related to emotional development, there was a question about it. The form clearly states that one or two word answers are not acceptable, so you really have to dig deep and go into detail about every aspect of your life. In the end, I think we each ended up with a 20 page document, and that includes skipping about a page worth of the questions, which are only for those planning to adopt from foster care. It took Tyler about 6 or 7 hours total to complete his questionnaire, which he did in two sittings on one day. I worked on mine for a few hours for 3 or 4 days before reaching completion.
We have almost completed all of this paperwork - thank goodness! We still need to schedule our physicals and take a few pictures, but otherwise we are pretty much done. Once we mail in all of these materials, we will be connected with our social worker, who will get us scheduled for our two-day educational seminar and all of our home study interviews, in which we will discuss the contents of our questionnaires and anything else the social worker needs to know.
As always, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we continue our journey toward parenthood. It isn't an easy road, but we know it will be 110% worth it when we finally hold our baby in our arms.
January 2nd finally rolled around, and we had everything ready to go - we had filled out our initial application (basic personal information, statement of assets, work and residence histories, etc.). We had purchased our large manila mailing envelopes. Tyler printed the application at work, and we signed it in the car before driving to the post office.
As you can see, we were very excited to get our application in the mail. We sent it priority, so it would be delivered the next day. Then we sat back and waited for contact from the agency. The good news is they called Tyler on Friday morning. The bad news? They need ALL of our paperwork before we can go any further. Cue a flurry of writing, collecting and copying.
There are a lot of waivers and agreements that had to be signed - firearms policies, waiver of confidentiality, agreement that we are never guaranteed a placement - the list goes on and on! We also have to provide a floor plan of our house, photos of ourselves, our animals, and our house and yard. We have to have physicals with blood work, urine samples, and TB tests, as well as information from our fertility doctors about our likelihood for conceiving and any infertility diagnoses we have received. We have to provide copies of all our vital documents, including our insurance cards, driver's licenses, marriage licenses, and birth certificates.
Each of us also had to complete the home study questionnaire - the big kahuna! This is presented as a simple Word document, 7 pages (single spaced) of questions about everything under the sun - how we were nurtured as children, the personalities of our parents, how we feel about ourselves, how we handle stress, loss, and grief, how we want our children to view sex, how we plan to handle discipline. Basically any topic related to emotional development, there was a question about it. The form clearly states that one or two word answers are not acceptable, so you really have to dig deep and go into detail about every aspect of your life. In the end, I think we each ended up with a 20 page document, and that includes skipping about a page worth of the questions, which are only for those planning to adopt from foster care. It took Tyler about 6 or 7 hours total to complete his questionnaire, which he did in two sittings on one day. I worked on mine for a few hours for 3 or 4 days before reaching completion.
We have almost completed all of this paperwork - thank goodness! We still need to schedule our physicals and take a few pictures, but otherwise we are pretty much done. Once we mail in all of these materials, we will be connected with our social worker, who will get us scheduled for our two-day educational seminar and all of our home study interviews, in which we will discuss the contents of our questionnaires and anything else the social worker needs to know.
As always, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we continue our journey toward parenthood. It isn't an easy road, but we know it will be 110% worth it when we finally hold our baby in our arms.
1.14.2013
Update coming soon!
Just wanted to let everyone know that we'll be publishing an update soon - school just started so things are a little crazy right now, but we're excited to update on what's happened since January 2. :) Stay tuned!
12.20.2012
Guest Post #1
Hey there! This is
Mr. Gnome… GnomeHubs? … Gnome, Esquire?
I’m the husband, whatever you may choose to call me.
As you’ve been reading, we’ve been making CRAZY progress
with our adoption goals, from padding up our savings, to preparing the
application, to picking out furniture and talking about how soon is too soon for any adoption showers our friends or families may offer to host. The
craziest part about it is how our baby feels so close and so far away at the
same time.
As the dad-to-be, I’ve spent the last year thinking about
the practical side of things. Will we
have enough space in the house? Will we
have enough money to pay the adoption fee right away? Will my paycheck be enough for Mrs. Gnome to
stay home with the baby for a while? We’ve
even had to talk about how much of a car we can afford, so that we have space
for the dogs, a baby’s car seat, and all the stuff that goes along with
traveling with a baby and 3 dogs (maybe something about this big). The
consequence? I haven’t spent much time
thinking about how I really feel about this since we first decided to pursue
adoption.
Now, with the goal so close, it’s the first thing on my
mind.
I’m not one to talk about my feelings, or to even let my
feelings show when they’re not “practical.” (I know, ladies. As a gender, men are particularly bad about
this.) Yet, in the last month, I have
faced the looming job of parenthood, illness in my immediate family, and the
loss of a grandfather. When emotions
pound hard enough like a flood against a dam, even my stone-cold façade is
broken from time to time. Everything
from fear of being a bad parent to the excitement to see the smile on my unborn
child’s face seems to run through me lately.
So, in the last month, I’ve become a bit of a worrywart. And a bit of a dreamer. Even a bit of a crier sometimes. I’ve decided my unborn baby has just made me
a little crazy, and I haven’t even met him yet.
(Foreshadowing for what’s ahead?)
Keep following our journey, and you just might hear from me
again. Besides, Mrs. Gnome isn’t the
only one of us planning to be a parent!
12.18.2012
T-minus 15 days!
It's been a little while since I posted last - the end of the semester took over my life for a few weeks there! I just got my final grades, and so far I still have a 4.0 GPA for graduate school, which is AWESOME!
We also hit a great milestone with regard to our adoption savings account this week - we surpassed the 50% savings mark! We officially have 52.2% of the total we will need to complete our adoption in savings, thanks in part to a generous gift from a very special couple. I will leave them unnamed, but THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. <3 p="p">
We are starting to get very excited (and a little nervous) about officially starting the adoption process. In 15 days we are planning to drop our application in the mail (and email a copy to the agency). Then we will begin a whirlwind of seminars, interviews, and mountains of paperwork and appointments. We are really hoping to complete the home study process and have our profile active by the time I graduate in May, so here's hoping we can stay on top of everything!
As always, we ask for your continued prayers and support as we journey toward becoming parents. It always means a lot to us when people ask us how things are going!
Look out for a post from Tyler soon, I'm hoping he'll give you all a different perspective on the road to adoption. :)
We also hit a great milestone with regard to our adoption savings account this week - we surpassed the 50% savings mark! We officially have 52.2% of the total we will need to complete our adoption in savings, thanks in part to a generous gift from a very special couple. I will leave them unnamed, but THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts. <3 p="p">
We are starting to get very excited (and a little nervous) about officially starting the adoption process. In 15 days we are planning to drop our application in the mail (and email a copy to the agency). Then we will begin a whirlwind of seminars, interviews, and mountains of paperwork and appointments. We are really hoping to complete the home study process and have our profile active by the time I graduate in May, so here's hoping we can stay on top of everything!
As always, we ask for your continued prayers and support as we journey toward becoming parents. It always means a lot to us when people ask us how things are going!
Look out for a post from Tyler soon, I'm hoping he'll give you all a different perspective on the road to adoption. :)
11.29.2012
34 days
Today marks 34 day until we mail the agency our application! It is coming up so fast, and we are starting to get both excited and nervous.
This month we have spent a lot of time around little ones, and it fills me with joy! It is so amazing to see how God has transformed my mind and heart in this regard - infertility so often robbed me of joy in the types of situations we've experienced lately, and I am so happy to be moving on in my journey and beginning to heal. A couple close to us had their first baby at the end of October, and they have been so amazing about letting us come over to visit and hold the baby. We also got to babysit her when she was 4 weeks old, which was so fun.
Since then, Tyler's cousin and her husband have been blessed with their first child. They are also adopting, and there was a lot of drama with the birth mother for several weeks after the baby was born, but the situation has been resolved and they have a precious baby boy. Holding him on Thanksgiving gave me hope that next year we'll have our own baby to show off to the family.
Thanksgiving weekend was spent in Roswell, NM, where we got to hang out with Tyler's family, including 6 kids under the age of 5. We had a great time. Everyone spent some time asking us about our adoption plans and learning about that process, and the support we've received from everyone is just amazing. Also, watching Tyler play with the kids is priceless. He is so patient with them, and he is great at going along with their games. I know he'll be an amazing dad, and that he loves getting to 'practice' with our niece, nephew, and cousin's kiddos.
I can finally reveal some of the news I mentioned in our last post! We met with the woman in charge of support groups at our church this week, and we will be launching an infertility support group in January. We feel called to lead out in this ministry, because we know there are so many couples out there struggling with infertility who could use some support and somewhere to vent. We're hoping to call it "For Those Who Wait" after the Fireflight song. This song has a lot of significance for the two of us throughout this infertility journey, and we feel the name will give our group members a feeling of hope rather than despair.
Another realization that I had this week was the fact that our future birth mother could be getting pregnant with the child that will someday be ours any day now. This is rather optimistic, since we have no idea how long it will take us to get through our home study process and onto the wait list at our agency, but I'm trying to bring more positivity into our journey. Women who are becoming pregnant right now have due dates in August. It would be amazing if we were placed that quickly after completing our home study, which we hope will happen in the late spring, around the time that I'm set to graduate. How crazy is that?
That's pretty much all the updating I have for today, but I'm hoping to get Tyler to write a post soon, so keep your eyes open for that! In the meantime, please be praying for our family, and for the woman that will be blessing us with a child someday. We really appreciate your support!
This month we have spent a lot of time around little ones, and it fills me with joy! It is so amazing to see how God has transformed my mind and heart in this regard - infertility so often robbed me of joy in the types of situations we've experienced lately, and I am so happy to be moving on in my journey and beginning to heal. A couple close to us had their first baby at the end of October, and they have been so amazing about letting us come over to visit and hold the baby. We also got to babysit her when she was 4 weeks old, which was so fun.
Since then, Tyler's cousin and her husband have been blessed with their first child. They are also adopting, and there was a lot of drama with the birth mother for several weeks after the baby was born, but the situation has been resolved and they have a precious baby boy. Holding him on Thanksgiving gave me hope that next year we'll have our own baby to show off to the family.
Thanksgiving weekend was spent in Roswell, NM, where we got to hang out with Tyler's family, including 6 kids under the age of 5. We had a great time. Everyone spent some time asking us about our adoption plans and learning about that process, and the support we've received from everyone is just amazing. Also, watching Tyler play with the kids is priceless. He is so patient with them, and he is great at going along with their games. I know he'll be an amazing dad, and that he loves getting to 'practice' with our niece, nephew, and cousin's kiddos.
I can finally reveal some of the news I mentioned in our last post! We met with the woman in charge of support groups at our church this week, and we will be launching an infertility support group in January. We feel called to lead out in this ministry, because we know there are so many couples out there struggling with infertility who could use some support and somewhere to vent. We're hoping to call it "For Those Who Wait" after the Fireflight song. This song has a lot of significance for the two of us throughout this infertility journey, and we feel the name will give our group members a feeling of hope rather than despair.
Another realization that I had this week was the fact that our future birth mother could be getting pregnant with the child that will someday be ours any day now. This is rather optimistic, since we have no idea how long it will take us to get through our home study process and onto the wait list at our agency, but I'm trying to bring more positivity into our journey. Women who are becoming pregnant right now have due dates in August. It would be amazing if we were placed that quickly after completing our home study, which we hope will happen in the late spring, around the time that I'm set to graduate. How crazy is that?
That's pretty much all the updating I have for today, but I'm hoping to get Tyler to write a post soon, so keep your eyes open for that! In the meantime, please be praying for our family, and for the woman that will be blessing us with a child someday. We really appreciate your support!
11.15.2012
Updates
Things have been a little quiet on the blog lately - this semester has been completely insane, so I haven't had the time or energy to update here much. I do want to thank everyone for the thoughts and prayers you are sending our way as we continue to plan for our adoption - it means a lot more than you can possibly know. If you have asked us how things are going, THANK YOU! I love knowing that people are interested in our journey, and we love sharing each step with everyone.
The good news is things are moving along at a nice clip right now - we're still in "saving mode", but we recently got a nice boost - we found out that Tyler got a raise, which is allowing us to put an extra $200 into our adoption savings account every month. This will help us reach our savings goal by February of 2014 - about 7 months ahead of when we thought we would reach our goal! This has been an enormous blessing to us, and it has taken a lot of stress out of the adoption process for us.
Another thing we have been doing to learn about and prepare for our adoption journey is watching television shows. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives us a lot to talk about and helps us to set our expectations when we watch these shows. The two we have been recording are I'm Having Their Baby and The Baby Wait. I'm Having Their Baby focuses on expectant mothers who are planning to place their unborn children for adoption. The show follows them as they meet with their adoption counselors (not every mother does this, of course), chooses a family, and goes to the hospital to deliver. Sometimes the mothers choose to parent after their child is born, while others go ahead with the adoption plan. It is a very emotional show and it helps us to build a sense of compassion for expectant mothers - I can't imagine having to make that kind of decision, but I so greatly admire each woman for the decisions she makes for her child.
The Baby Wait focuses on adoptive families that reside in states where there is a waiting period after the initial papers are signed, during which the birth mother can change her mind and choose to parent her child. In Texas, once the initial papers are signed, there is no waiting period, so we don't have to concern ourselves with that, but again, it educates us on how the birth mothers process their decisions post-delivery, which helps keep our expectations in check. I would highly recommend either of these shows to anyone planning to adopt, or anyone supporting a person who is either planning to adopt or making an adoption plan for their unborn child. It is an accessible way to learn about the process, and it can give you a lot of fodder for conversations to have with others.
We have some other potentially exciting news in the works right now, and I hope to be able to share that information as we process it. Please be praying for us, and stay tuned for more news soon!
There are only 48 days left until we plan to drop our application to our adoption agency in the mail! I can't believe how close it is getting - exciting and terrifying at the same time!
The good news is things are moving along at a nice clip right now - we're still in "saving mode", but we recently got a nice boost - we found out that Tyler got a raise, which is allowing us to put an extra $200 into our adoption savings account every month. This will help us reach our savings goal by February of 2014 - about 7 months ahead of when we thought we would reach our goal! This has been an enormous blessing to us, and it has taken a lot of stress out of the adoption process for us.
Another thing we have been doing to learn about and prepare for our adoption journey is watching television shows. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives us a lot to talk about and helps us to set our expectations when we watch these shows. The two we have been recording are I'm Having Their Baby and The Baby Wait. I'm Having Their Baby focuses on expectant mothers who are planning to place their unborn children for adoption. The show follows them as they meet with their adoption counselors (not every mother does this, of course), chooses a family, and goes to the hospital to deliver. Sometimes the mothers choose to parent after their child is born, while others go ahead with the adoption plan. It is a very emotional show and it helps us to build a sense of compassion for expectant mothers - I can't imagine having to make that kind of decision, but I so greatly admire each woman for the decisions she makes for her child.
The Baby Wait focuses on adoptive families that reside in states where there is a waiting period after the initial papers are signed, during which the birth mother can change her mind and choose to parent her child. In Texas, once the initial papers are signed, there is no waiting period, so we don't have to concern ourselves with that, but again, it educates us on how the birth mothers process their decisions post-delivery, which helps keep our expectations in check. I would highly recommend either of these shows to anyone planning to adopt, or anyone supporting a person who is either planning to adopt or making an adoption plan for their unborn child. It is an accessible way to learn about the process, and it can give you a lot of fodder for conversations to have with others.
We have some other potentially exciting news in the works right now, and I hope to be able to share that information as we process it. Please be praying for us, and stay tuned for more news soon!
There are only 48 days left until we plan to drop our application to our adoption agency in the mail! I can't believe how close it is getting - exciting and terrifying at the same time!
10.04.2012
We've set the date!
We recently decided to make a date to drop our adoption application in the mail and submit it via email. We decided on January 2, which makes it a perfect way to start the New Year! We're super excited to be moving forward in our adoption journey. I've been feeling pretty stagnant about things for a few months, but now we're starting to get the house ready, and now that we have this date on the calendar I really feel like we're making progress, and I'm stoked!
Setting this date has made me wonder - when would you consider yourself (or someone you know who is adopting) to be "paper pregnant"? When they have submitted an application and been accepted by their agency? When they have a completed home study and are waiting to be chosen by a birth family? When they are officially matched with a birth mother? Something else?? I'd love to hear from you - drop me a comment to let me know what you think. :)
8.20.2012
Lately
Lately I've been in sort of a weird mood. I'm feeling completely baby-obsessed, a feeling which has been with me in varying intensities for four years. I have a great yearning to prepare for our baby, even though we haven't officially applied to adopt yet. I am also SICK of planning, and I feel so ready to start executing some of these plans, yet we still wait.
We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great. Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc. We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers. We even talked about nursery decor last night. But we're still just... waiting.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey. People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc. Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January". Honestly, January feels like it will never come. I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately. It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together. Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.
I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.
We have 25% of our adoption savings in place now, which is great. Tyler and I have been talking some about the types of situations we are open to with regard to drug and alcohol use, race, etc. We've gone through some of the questions on our home study questionnaire together, talking about our respective answers. We even talked about nursery decor last night. But we're still just... waiting.
I'm really lucky to have family and friends who are interested in our adoption journey. People always make sure to ask how the process is going, what we're doing, etc. Every time I answer the same "well, we're still just saving, planning to put in our application and hopefully start our home study around January". Honestly, January feels like it will never come. I know that's not true, but I'm feeling very morose about it lately. It probably doesn't help that I am in a group with three women who are all expecting, and they talk about it in detail whenever we're all together. Even though I'm pseudo-expecting, I still feel left out because I'm not experiencing impending parenthood in the same way - the "normal" way.
I could use some prayers and encouraging words, I guess.
7.11.2012
A Bunch of Book Reviews!
I've been away from the blog for a while, but I have a good excuse! I've been busy reading adoption books during my break from summer classes. Sadly, I'm back to class now, so adoption reading is now on the back burner for a few weeks. However, I have four new book reviews to share with you!
On Father's Day I read The Baby Boat by Patty Dann. The book is a memoir, containing diary-style entries the author wrote during the time period that she and her husband were on the path to adopt from Lithuania. I flew through this book in about three or four hours. I was totally engrossed - I could really feel the emotions the author moved through during the course of the story, and it made me excited for my own journey to really get started. I highly recommend this as an easy read to anyone interested in reading a first-hand account of adoption, particularly if you're pursuing international adoption.
After I finished The Baby Boat, I read Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation. This books provides an in-depth look at adoption and the role it plays in American culture, as well as how that culture has affected adoption over the years. While the book did contain some good information and background, I'm not sure I would recommend it to everyone. Pertman highlights many of the adoption horror stories that have been in the news in the past, and although he is a strong advocate for adoption, his book seemed quite negative to me at times.
This weekend I finished a book entitled Loving Across the Color Line by Sharon F. Rush. This was the first adoption book I read that centered on transracial adoption, and I found it informative, depressing, and inspiring by turns. Rush writes of her experiences as a White woman who adopted a bi-racial daughter. This book gave me a lot to think about in terms of how well-equipped Tyler and I are (or are not) to raise a child of a different race. I fully believe that we will love equally any child that comes into our care, but I can see more clearly now the limitations that our circle of friends and family present. This book opened my eyes to how limited my experiences with race and racism are as a White person and really gave me a lot to think about. Tyler is reading it now, and I'm hoping we can have some candid conversations about race when he is finished.
Finally, this past weekend I also read one of the books recommended/required by our adoption agency: Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler. Patricia writes about her experience as a birthmother who chose open adoption for her child in 1985. She wrote the book in 2006, as her son became an adult. The books is written mainly toward women who are thinking of making adoption plans for their unborn children, but also contains advice for families of birthmothers and for adoptive parents. She gives practical advice to birthmothers about the process they are going through and also shares her personal story of unplanned pregnancy and open adoption. I thought the book was very well-written and I loved getting a birthmother's perspective of the entire process from birth through the child's adult years. I highly recommend this book if you are trying to decide if open adoption is right for your family, or if you are in the process of building your family through open adoption already.
On Father's Day I read The Baby Boat by Patty Dann. The book is a memoir, containing diary-style entries the author wrote during the time period that she and her husband were on the path to adopt from Lithuania. I flew through this book in about three or four hours. I was totally engrossed - I could really feel the emotions the author moved through during the course of the story, and it made me excited for my own journey to really get started. I highly recommend this as an easy read to anyone interested in reading a first-hand account of adoption, particularly if you're pursuing international adoption.
After I finished The Baby Boat, I read Adam Pertman's Adoption Nation. This books provides an in-depth look at adoption and the role it plays in American culture, as well as how that culture has affected adoption over the years. While the book did contain some good information and background, I'm not sure I would recommend it to everyone. Pertman highlights many of the adoption horror stories that have been in the news in the past, and although he is a strong advocate for adoption, his book seemed quite negative to me at times.
This weekend I finished a book entitled Loving Across the Color Line by Sharon F. Rush. This was the first adoption book I read that centered on transracial adoption, and I found it informative, depressing, and inspiring by turns. Rush writes of her experiences as a White woman who adopted a bi-racial daughter. This book gave me a lot to think about in terms of how well-equipped Tyler and I are (or are not) to raise a child of a different race. I fully believe that we will love equally any child that comes into our care, but I can see more clearly now the limitations that our circle of friends and family present. This book opened my eyes to how limited my experiences with race and racism are as a White person and really gave me a lot to think about. Tyler is reading it now, and I'm hoping we can have some candid conversations about race when he is finished.
Finally, this past weekend I also read one of the books recommended/required by our adoption agency: Because I Loved You: A Birthmother's View of Open Adoption by Patricia Dischler. Patricia writes about her experience as a birthmother who chose open adoption for her child in 1985. She wrote the book in 2006, as her son became an adult. The books is written mainly toward women who are thinking of making adoption plans for their unborn children, but also contains advice for families of birthmothers and for adoptive parents. She gives practical advice to birthmothers about the process they are going through and also shares her personal story of unplanned pregnancy and open adoption. I thought the book was very well-written and I loved getting a birthmother's perspective of the entire process from birth through the child's adult years. I highly recommend this book if you are trying to decide if open adoption is right for your family, or if you are in the process of building your family through open adoption already.
7.02.2012
Our family photo shoot
We had our good friend Brandon take some professional photos for us last weekend. We did a few adoption-related pictures, and I thought I'd share them with you! :) Major thanks to Brandon at Brandon Jones Photography for his skills. I definitely recommend his services if you are in the Dallas/Ft. Worth metro area!
6.21.2012
Two Posts in One Day!
I just wanted to post to thank everyone for visiting my blog! I recently posted about it on my Facebook page, and the support and encouragement I received was wonderful. :)
I also wanted to point out my new tickers on the right side of the screen. I have one that is counting the amount of money in our adoption savings account. People ask me all the time how much it costs to adopt, and my answer is usually: A LOT! (unless someone is doing foster-to-adopt or adopting legally free children from the foster care system, in which case it is free or comes with minimal costs). In all honesty, we will pay about $23,000 in agency and legal fees in order to complete our adoption. We have been so blessed by God since we started on the adoption path - both Tyler and I have new jobs, which are going a long way to helping our savings account grow. We are so thankful for those jobs, and I can't wait to see what God does next as we move forward with our adoption.
The second ticker tracks how many of the 14 books our agency recommends/requires I have read. Tyler isn't reading all the books that I am, but he is about to start his first book. Hopefully that will get the gears moving and he will explore more books on his own.
I hope that you will continue to read our blog. We only ask that you send your thoughts and prayers our way - we still have a long way to go in this journey, and we couldn't get through it without the support of our families and friends.
-Katie
I also wanted to point out my new tickers on the right side of the screen. I have one that is counting the amount of money in our adoption savings account. People ask me all the time how much it costs to adopt, and my answer is usually: A LOT! (unless someone is doing foster-to-adopt or adopting legally free children from the foster care system, in which case it is free or comes with minimal costs). In all honesty, we will pay about $23,000 in agency and legal fees in order to complete our adoption. We have been so blessed by God since we started on the adoption path - both Tyler and I have new jobs, which are going a long way to helping our savings account grow. We are so thankful for those jobs, and I can't wait to see what God does next as we move forward with our adoption.
The second ticker tracks how many of the 14 books our agency recommends/requires I have read. Tyler isn't reading all the books that I am, but he is about to start his first book. Hopefully that will get the gears moving and he will explore more books on his own.
I hope that you will continue to read our blog. We only ask that you send your thoughts and prayers our way - we still have a long way to go in this journey, and we couldn't get through it without the support of our families and friends.
-Katie
Book Review - "Dear Birthmother" and "A Letter to Adoptive Parents"
Recently I finished reading Kathleen Silber's Dear Birthmother: Thank You for Our Baby. This book was co-written by Silber and Phyllis Speedlin and focuses on the experiment carried out by Lutheran Social Serivces of Texas in which birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents exchanged letters to one another via the adoption agency.
This book really helped me to better understand the feelings of birth parents (particularly birth mothers) have regarding the adoptive families into which their babies are placed. The letters were candid and most made no attempt to hide the pain that they continue to feel years after they place their children for adoption. I also thought the birth parents did a beautiful job of writing to their children about where they came from and why they were placed for adoption, something I feel is SO important to the ability to form a personal identity.
As always, this book gave me a lot to think about. I can see why our agency recommends adoptive parents read this book, since it really highlights how personal contact between members of the adoption triad is the best thing for everyone involved. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is struggling to decide whether or not open adoption is for them.
Another book I just finished reading (I say book, but really it's more of a transcript of a speech - only 22 pages, including references) is A Letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption, by Randolph W. Severson. This speech implores adoptive parents to let go of their misinformed feelings and fears they have regarding birth parents, and attempts to describe the consequences this can have on all parties involved in adoption. This book is, unfortnately, out of print and extremely hard to find. If you are interested in reading it, I highly suggest contacting your local library to see if they participate in Interlibrary Loan. If they do, you should be able to borrow this book from one of the 4 libraries world-wide that have it in their collections. Perhaps your local university library is one of the libraries that has it? They are located at Bethel University (ST. Paul, MN), Brigham Young University (Provo, UT), Carroll University (Waukesha, WI) and University of Sioux Falls (Sioux Falls, SD). Visit WorldCat.org for more information.
This book really helped me to better understand the feelings of birth parents (particularly birth mothers) have regarding the adoptive families into which their babies are placed. The letters were candid and most made no attempt to hide the pain that they continue to feel years after they place their children for adoption. I also thought the birth parents did a beautiful job of writing to their children about where they came from and why they were placed for adoption, something I feel is SO important to the ability to form a personal identity.
As always, this book gave me a lot to think about. I can see why our agency recommends adoptive parents read this book, since it really highlights how personal contact between members of the adoption triad is the best thing for everyone involved. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who is struggling to decide whether or not open adoption is for them.
Another book I just finished reading (I say book, but really it's more of a transcript of a speech - only 22 pages, including references) is A Letter to Adoptive Parents on Open Adoption, by Randolph W. Severson. This speech implores adoptive parents to let go of their misinformed feelings and fears they have regarding birth parents, and attempts to describe the consequences this can have on all parties involved in adoption. This book is, unfortnately, out of print and extremely hard to find. If you are interested in reading it, I highly suggest contacting your local library to see if they participate in Interlibrary Loan. If they do, you should be able to borrow this book from one of the 4 libraries world-wide that have it in their collections. Perhaps your local university library is one of the libraries that has it? They are located at Bethel University (ST. Paul, MN), Brigham Young University (Provo, UT), Carroll University (Waukesha, WI) and University of Sioux Falls (Sioux Falls, SD). Visit WorldCat.org for more information.
6.15.2012
Book Review - Adopting After Infertility
I finished Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnson a few days ago, and I thought I'd post a review! The book was published in the early 1990s, so some of the information and ideas felt a little outdated, but overall it was a very thorough book which presents infertile prospective adopters with a lot of good information and things to think about.
My one qualm with the book was the author's insistence that infertile people should feel entitled (for lack of a better word) to specify the sex of the baby they are willing to adopt. The author presents this as a way for infertile couples to take back some of the control over family planning which was lost in the infertility process. Perhaps in the early 90s this practice was more acceptable, but from my research, many adoption agencies do not allow you to specify the sex of your baby during the adoption process, and those that DO allow this will warn you that it can add significant time to the process, particularly if birthmothers do not want to find out the sex of their baby prior to delivery.
I feel like I'm really bad at reviewing books, because I don't give thorough overviews of the content. This is usually because I'm taking my time to read the book, but not taking notes, and the books I've covered thus far are all pretty comprehensive in terms of topics covered. If you're interested in more information about the book, I would suggest checking out the Goodreads page for the book: Adopting After Infertility. You can also find other reader reviews of the book on this page!
My one qualm with the book was the author's insistence that infertile people should feel entitled (for lack of a better word) to specify the sex of the baby they are willing to adopt. The author presents this as a way for infertile couples to take back some of the control over family planning which was lost in the infertility process. Perhaps in the early 90s this practice was more acceptable, but from my research, many adoption agencies do not allow you to specify the sex of your baby during the adoption process, and those that DO allow this will warn you that it can add significant time to the process, particularly if birthmothers do not want to find out the sex of their baby prior to delivery.
I feel like I'm really bad at reviewing books, because I don't give thorough overviews of the content. This is usually because I'm taking my time to read the book, but not taking notes, and the books I've covered thus far are all pretty comprehensive in terms of topics covered. If you're interested in more information about the book, I would suggest checking out the Goodreads page for the book: Adopting After Infertility. You can also find other reader reviews of the book on this page!
6.05.2012
Book Review: Raising Adopted Children
A few weeks ago I started in on the list of recommended and required reading provided to us by our adoption agency. The second book from the list I read was Raising Adopted Children by Lois Melina. The copy I had was from 1982 (I think!), so some of the information was a bit outdated, especially since open adoptions were just coming into vogue at that time.
I thought the book was very informative and provided information on different topics such as health care and others that I wouldn't have thought of being different for adopted children. It was a quick and easy read! I would recommend checking it out, especially if you are new to adoption or just curious about the differences that may arise when raising adopted children. There is a revised edition that was published in 1998 that is probably more up-to-date.
I'm currently reading Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston and Dear Birthmother: Thank You For Our Baby by Kathleen Silber. I'll post reviews of those books when I am finished!
I thought the book was very informative and provided information on different topics such as health care and others that I wouldn't have thought of being different for adopted children. It was a quick and easy read! I would recommend checking it out, especially if you are new to adoption or just curious about the differences that may arise when raising adopted children. There is a revised edition that was published in 1998 that is probably more up-to-date.
I'm currently reading Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston and Dear Birthmother: Thank You For Our Baby by Kathleen Silber. I'll post reviews of those books when I am finished!
5.17.2012
Adoption Books
Our agency provided us with a list of required/recommended reading to complete prior to our homestudy. They do not denote which titles are "required" and which are only recommended, so I'm planning on reading all of them (minus the foster/adopt specific books). I checked out 2 from the library this week, and have already completed the fist.
The Adoption Triangle: The Effects of the Sealed Record on Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Adoptive Parents by Arthur D. Sorosky, et al. This book gave me a lot to think about in respect to the feelings and emotions of each part of the adoption triangle. Although this book could now be considered "historical" almost, it still had a lot of good information.
One quote from a birthmother really made me think - I don't have the exact quote but she was talking about how she found out that most adoptive families only wanted healthy babies, and how she felt that because of that, adoptive families didn't have the same kind of unconditional love for their children as birth families. I'd never thought of it like that before, but it's given me a lot to think about in terms of what "disabilities" or drug/alcohol exposure we're willing to "risk" or accept when being presented to birth families.
Obviously having a drug addicted, differently abled, or FAS baby (or whatever), wouldn't match the picture of my future children that I've been carrying around, but until recently, neither did the idea of an adopted child. Adoption teaches you a lot, particularly about "rolling with the punches" and accepting what God puts in your life.
I really enjoyed the book overall, and I read it in about 2 days. I've started the second book already, and I'll post my thoughts about it as soon as I'm finished!
The Adoption Triangle: The Effects of the Sealed Record on Adoptees, Birth Parents, and Adoptive Parents by Arthur D. Sorosky, et al. This book gave me a lot to think about in respect to the feelings and emotions of each part of the adoption triangle. Although this book could now be considered "historical" almost, it still had a lot of good information.
One quote from a birthmother really made me think - I don't have the exact quote but she was talking about how she found out that most adoptive families only wanted healthy babies, and how she felt that because of that, adoptive families didn't have the same kind of unconditional love for their children as birth families. I'd never thought of it like that before, but it's given me a lot to think about in terms of what "disabilities" or drug/alcohol exposure we're willing to "risk" or accept when being presented to birth families.
Obviously having a drug addicted, differently abled, or FAS baby (or whatever), wouldn't match the picture of my future children that I've been carrying around, but until recently, neither did the idea of an adopted child. Adoption teaches you a lot, particularly about "rolling with the punches" and accepting what God puts in your life.
I really enjoyed the book overall, and I read it in about 2 days. I've started the second book already, and I'll post my thoughts about it as soon as I'm finished!
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